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15/10/2018

I feel like I've been waiting forever for the results to come through from my latest MRI and bone scans. The wait is over and I have finally seen my consultant. I knew the results would be negative and I wasn't wrong. I've known all along that I don't have a bone problem. I think, as an athlete, you know your body enough to know the difference between feelings of soft tissue or bone.

My whole life has been built around being outdoors and being physically active. Over the past year and a half, the pain in my lower legs has slowly increased and the level of activity I can complete pain free has drastically reduced. I have become a shadow of the person I used to be. I used to jump around and be full of life. I used to smile all the time. I didn’t realise how much I relied on exercise and adventure for my mental health. Now I spend a large portion of my time crying and I take antidepressants to get me through each day.

On Friday after being given my results we discussed the steps moving forward. My consultant wants things to move quickly now as I've been in pain for so long. There are two possible conditions I could be suffering with (or so it appears) and we need to do two tests to find out whats going on. The first test will be a type of ultrasound to see if I have a problem with an artery in my leg being restricted when the calf muscle contracts. If that is negative then we will be looking into Compartment Syndrome.

The test for Compartment Syndrome (CS) is brutal. In the past five months I've done a lot of research into CS as I am suffering with the symptoms of this. From what I've read most people feel the test is worse than the surgery. The test involves sticking a huge needle into each of the four compartments of your calf, in each leg, to test the pressure. You then do some exercise and repeat the test. If the pressure is higher than normal then you have CS.

As this is such an excruciating and invasive test my consultant has said he will book the surgery room to do it in. If the results are positive, he will operate on me there and then. He has highlighted my case as urgent and wants to get this sorted quickly.

I really wasn't expecting this to move so quick when I went to hospital the other day. Everything has taken so long to get to where I am now that I was expecting he would put me on a huge waiting list for the test and then have to wait a lot longer for any further action.

I'd got used to waiting and got used to the feeling that nothing was changing. I was frustrated that nothing was changing but at least that felt safe. Now that the possibility of an operation has become a reality I feel really scared. I've known for a long time that this is likely to be the outcome as I've tried so many exercises and physical therapies to sort this out and nothing has worked but it's still super scary when I think about my legs being cut open.

I’ve been told by my consultant that I won’t be able to perform as I have in the past. I’ll lose a lot of strength and ability. This is devastating. Of course I will tackle this as I have every challenge in my life. I will be as positive and determined as possible but it doesn’t stop me being scared.

Things are going to be changing quite a lot and quite quickly over the next few weeks. I really hope this is all for the best and I can start to rebuild my life again.

Much love xxx

7 Comments

Sarah

15/10/2018 04:31:43

This is positive news, regardless of what you are told and what you have to go through to fix the problem, the Emma I know will take on the challenge and kick it’s arse and I’m not guessing that - I KNOW THAT!!

I have a riding friend who reminds me of you - her competition horse fell on her a few years back and smashed her pelvis and back, she was told she’d never ride again and guess what? A few years later the same horse kicked her in the face at an event and smashed it into hundreds of pieces - she was told not to ride again and guess what? 2 years down the line she is riding, jumping, competing, in between her operations !! She has more titanium in her body than anything else! I’ve told her of your previous achievements and she thinks you are awesome !!!! You have the same determination and drive as her. Nothing keeps her down and when the doctors tell her she can’t do something she makes it her goal to prove them wrong. Riding is her life, running is yours and I know that no matter what path you need to take to get back to full fitness, that that is the path you will be on !!!

Remember we have to hit rock bottom before we can rise again and you will rise my lovely girl because you have the strength and determination that ran across Africa (twice), kicked arse in Lap the Lake, ran a scary trail for a month alone with no support, skated over Holland and rode some mad contraption over Australia !!! Never forget or underestimate how very strong you are mentally - you’ve got this Ems and in a few years we will look back on this time and realise how much stronger it made you. I’m so proud of you!!

xxxxxxxxxx

Emma Timmis

15/10/2018 20:00:26

Thank you so much Sarah. Your friend sounds incredibly tough. Not sure I’d be able to get back on a horse after any of that. I’m not sure exactly what’s going to happen in the future but for sure I’ll be applying as much strength and positivity as I can. Thank you for sharing your friends story. Love you xxx

15/10/2018 04:39:53

Trish Darling

15/10/2018 10:06:37

I feel for you Emma and wish you all the best with the tests and surgery. It must be devestating for you. After being so active all over the world. We still talk about you coming through Arno Bay SA on your way across Australia 4000km, half way. 😁.
I’m so glad I got to meet you as you stayed at our house. You are still an inspiration and I’m sure you will continue to do amazing things.
All the best xxxxx

Steve Blethyn link

16/10/2018 03:07:53

I feel your pain Emma, but things will get better hopefully. I know first hand though that one day in pain can seem like a month. My knees were both shot away due to over use, bike accidents, climbing and general misuse. I've had a total knee replacement on right leg and have had no pain in that knee since (It's great being Bionic) However my foot sometimes feels like someone has a blow torch to my toes as the sugeon sliced a nerve he wasn't meant to. I wasn't told about this lovely side affect, but I'm on low dose Amitriptyline (which is an antidepressant in higher doses) for it until I see another surgeon. Hopefully your legs will get the less invasive outcome as surgery can be a pain. No pun intended. Good luck! X

Rich McCarthy

6/11/2018 23:23:14

Wow! Though I hardly know your story Emma, what you seem to have done and achieved is phenomenal. Should you no longer be able to operate at that 95-100% that you are used to - perhaps because of your previous high level, that will still be infinitely better than those of us who can't operate at, say, a 60% level because we have spent so much time at 20% - perhaps putting things off, perhaps by not making choices, or accepting mundaneity.
It must be terrifying to be in your position, especially on top of months of high levels of pain - which on its own can be incredibly tiring and destroy faith and hope and confidence. However, you AREdoing the right thing to face it and try to act upon it, rather than simply damping down your life to the physical 20% of many of the rest of us. If it goes right, super. If it doesn't go quite right, then there can still be all sorts of ways that you could still live your life outdoors - using teams todo what you've been doing solo, or training, or even simply being a star attraction! Undoubtedly, knowing what you have done already, even if you have to invent whole thing yourself, you will come up with a way to still live at that 95-100%. It is who you are, even tho' at times like this it must be scary.
Carry on carrying on and inspiring the rest of us. If its true that we make our own luck, then you have a huge supply ready to draw upon, but I wish you some more of it anyway.
All the best,
Rich

David link

8/11/2018 08:44:00

Hi Emma,
I saw your post after reading a book about Fastpacking.....
I'm assuming you have had trigger point therapy and myofascial release sessions done by a therapist? I had a double fasciectomy about 18 years ago which turned out to be ineffective (for me)....it was only when I qualified as a sports therapist and began to self treat that my problem began to disappear.....anyway you have my contact details if you need further information. All the best ....

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